A common + massive block on your road to Self Love
In this article, I want to share with you the number ONE (and number two) blocks to authentic and sustainable self love that you most likely have, how you can dissolve/ begin to dissolve them, and be well on your way to the Self Love you have truly been after. Plus we will talk about the key elements of self love and what the experience FEELS like so you can start to decipher between an old, outdated version and build more trust and wholehearted love within.
Everything shared here is from personal experience, and what I have come to realize or learn over many, many years on this journey so far and in working with others. Take what resonates, and leave the rest.
You most likely have ideas and beliefs around what Self Love is and looks like for you. Which is, in my opinion, where this block originates from. Because as you were creating this idea of self love, it was most likely being built on a foundation of unworthiness, wanting to fix yourself, and other similar foundational beliefs we often hold that inherently view ourselves as less than.
And because there was most likely no felt experience of self love up until this point, it really does start as a concept, with no embodied knowing. Which is part of a normal process for anything new. However, often times we don't move beyond this threshold when it comes to self love.
I bet, too, that there has been some level of trying to “carry out” or “mark the boxes” of self loving acts or practices, only to find that you are back to treating yourself the same way. Again, your actions are being carried out from the foundational belief that you must do something to be worthy to receive love.
And this, my friends, is the number one block…
Holding a fundamental and deeply entrenched belief that you are not yet worthy to receive love, grace, kindness, forgiveness, etc. That you somehow have more to do or change before you would be ready and able to receive this grace or love.
And the number two block is…
Trying to cultivate and experience Self Love from the mind alone.
I invite you to pause here and take three deep breaths.
So let's take a look at the first block. This belief is a trap - There is no amount of doing or changing or fixing that would ever signal to you that you were now worthy to receive. This belief only stays alive as long as you are believing it. And now that you have seen through the smoke and mirrors of the whole thing, I hope you will reconsider the validity of this belief.
The truth is, you do not have to change or do a single thing to be worthy to receive love or be kind to yourself. You can start right here, and right now, to choose to be kinder to yourself - NO MATTER WHAT IS HAPPENING.
If you have children or have been around a newborn, did they need to DO anything to receive your unconditional love? NO. And you are no different, so stop believing your are.
The way through the second block is to realize that self love must be brought into the PRESENT MOMENT and felt. It cannot be experienced, watered, and nourished anywhere outside of the now. For true mastery of self love, it must move from a concept in the mind into an embodiment of conscious choice anchored deeper and deeper in each moment.
So, what does authentic self love FEEL like?
The foundational elements of authentic self love are grace, compassion, acceptance and self knowledge, and these are experienced as a felt sense of openness and expansion. A calmness, an abiding peace. There is a sense of ease and deep acceptance. There is a felt sense of safety within.
If you are feeling rigid, stuck, constricted, having critical self thoughts, then it may be a good indication you are trying to experience self love through the mind. And this is a good time to breathe, and shift your awareness into your body and heart.