She used to

She used to try to keep herself in a neat little box

To uphold with great exertion an image of herself, and the tendrils of her spirit

She was used to feeling overwhelmed and out of control anytime a piece of her stepped out of line.

She would go to great lengths to keep it all together.

She believed she could avoid the swiftness of life.

She believed she could live in accordance with her small, fearful self.

Be small. Be tame. Be predictable. Be…

Then she thought, what if my goal everyday is to not keep it all together? But instead to let myself fall apart over and over.

To not solidify layers of sediment over my soul?

To clear and cleanse as I go?

To live as a moment to moment being, not concerned with a “perfect” image or a logical sense of self?

To seek to not identify with personality traits and choice points? But to, in real time, observe, let go, and grow.

Not for any reason- not to put together a new picture perfect image of self, but to be formless and free.

To have no idea “who you are” or who you are becoming?

to not even be concerned with such things.

But to let each moment be a completely new and unknown expression of you - unattached to and unwoven from a larger, more sensical notion of self.